Performance

The nervousness of performance is like the distraction of practice. It doesn't go away; some days are just better than others. The trick is to accept the feeling and even try to use it to enhance the performance.

Cold yet sweaty hands, tremulous fingers, the tight chest and angst in the pit of the stomach, all characterize performance anxiety. Understandably everyone wants to get rid of these nasty sensations.

As we wait to perform we feel the sensations are excessive. We are adults and we shouldn't be so blown away by this experience. We live in a culture of emotional restraint so having to endure this overwhelming onslaught of feeling seems childish. We should have better control of ourselves than that. After all, piano performance isn't a life and death confrontation. The feelings seem so excessive compared to the risk.

For some reason the body and mind react as if it really was that huge a risk. I'm not sure what causes all this internal consternation. It could have to do with powerless feelings left from childhood. Perhaps it has to do with attempting a highly refined task of physical control in front of an audience. It could be the powerful emotions we know that music can create within us and our fear of being in control of that power as it effects others. Also, we feel our own vulnerability caused by the public exposure of all those intense, personal feelings released within us by the music. Whatever the cause, the feelings are real and they demand to be encountered. They won't just go away.

The problem is that our attempt to try to get rid of all those feelings just gives them more power over us. Each time we fail to control them we dread them more. Soon we anticipate the sensations of performance anxiety as if it were a test. We then judge our performance by how much or how little we were bothered by anxiety rather than how well we played. It may seem strange but it's obvious that the audience doesn't really care how the performer feels; they care about the music.

Accepting Performance Anxiety

The best way to deal with performance anxiety is to accept it as a reality of the performance experience. Allow the sensations to be; don't try to push them away. These reactions are biological responses to stress and one can't do a thing about them.

By accepting these sensations, they don't go away but they do begin to lose their power. An interesting therapy for this problem is to have performers see how much they can make their hands shake. When the hands are given permission to shake, they tend to shake less. In the same way, try to get as many wrong notes as possible in a performance -- the performance is frequently more accurate.

With experience, one can begin to get to know these sensations quite well. In time one can recognize them for what they are which is a huge release of adrenaline to provide energy for the scary task ahead.

The ultimate "control" of this experience comes not from having the sensations go away but from learning how to use this rush of energy and vitality to create a more intense performance.

Accepting Mistakes

It's important to accept mistakes as part of performance. We hope all things will be right and wonderful but it rarely works that way.

When students talk about playing for others, I never hear them say:

"I want to show everybody how perfect (or wonderful or powerful) I am."

And yet, I suspect it is a secret part of our performance agenda unknown even to ourselves. Sometimes a good performance, neither wonderful nor awful, feels like a letdown -- is that all there is? When it happens, it's confusing.

Learning to accept a good performance, one with a few mistakes and small surprises, is important. In fact, it should be one of the joys of being an amateur. That so many amateurs take on professional standards of performance is one reason performance becomes so burdensome.

Learning to accept abject failure in performance is important too. Nobody wants it or likes it but it will happen at some point. When this happens, be kind and understanding with yourself. It's very hard but it's a very important thing to do.

In fact, until you can accept yourself as a failure in performance, you will never be free to perform your most creatively; you will never be free to take the risks that make a performance rise above the ordinary.

Strategies: Useful and Not

Frequent performance is the best strategy. By performing frequently you get to know yourself as a performer and know the particular sensations that plague you.

Often people think the answer is to be able to play so well nothing can go wrong. It's not an effective strategy because it doesn't work. Knowing the piece really well is only part of performance. You can know the piece inside out and still have a bad performance experience. Knowing the piece well will increase your odds of success and your confidence, which are both important, but not a guarantee.

Some confuse playing well with performing well. Knowing one's self as a pianist is not the same as knowing one's self as a performer. A beginning performer with an advanced piece can be a disaster. Each has its own line of progression. Pairing beginning performers with easy pieces is a good way to start.

Adults often think performance is only acceptable if the piece is long and difficult. This isn't true. Lovely music well performed can be of any level.

A point worth noting is that a few people are terrific performers. They just love it and don't reach their full potential until they have an audience.

Many years ago I tried to inspire a young student by threat. I told him he'd have to play a Beethoven piece in a recital two weeks hence. He played it badly so I expected a great increase in practice. It didn't happen. Being less understanding than I am now, I had him play in the recital anyway; he'd learn his lesson by public humiliation.

Well, he played wonderfully, better than I had any idea he could play. He needed an audience and the opportunity to show off to do his best.

Other Suggestions

1. Perform early in your study. It feels better to mess up Yankee Doodle than it does to mess up a Beethoven Sonata.
2. Don't perform your hardest piece. You're probably just hanging on and in performance hanging on tends to fall off.
3. Performing easier pieces allows some free energy to watch yourself during performance. This is how you get to know yourself as a performer.
4. Perform in comfortable situations for friends and/or others who know what you're going through. (For such an organization in Washington, D.C., visit the Adult Music Student Forum site.)
5. Don't try to control nerves with drugs (unless advised by a physician) or alcohol.
6. When complimented on a performance, always say, "Thank you." Just because you didn't like it doesn't mean the listener didn't like it.
7. You really don't have to tell everybody everything you thought was wrong with your performance. You need to know it for your own information, but some things are best left unsaid.